The Art of Powerful Conversations

It was a conversation I had been dreading for weeks. One, that I’d spent nights going over and over in my head. 

But as a newly promoted director - it was a conversation I needed to have. 

The previous director had a huge portfolio and my role was being created in order to split that responsibility. It’s always strange to move into a newly created role, as there are less parameters - which also makes it fun and exciting too. But it’s even more strange when a role is split in two.

What I was being challenged with was being given the space and authority to step into my new role - make decisions and drive changes. Even to be the only one having 121’s with my team. I felt as if I was having to run these past my colleague and it was denting my confidence and also my ability to add value and have an impact. It was also causing confusion to my team - they didn’t know who to go to for questions or sign offs - which delayed decision making.

So it got to the stage that it would be more damaging to not have the conversation then to have it. I’d made comments and indicated I wasn’t happy with how things were going, but nothing had changed.

I prepared, focused on how I wanted the conversation to end and was direct in my messaging.

And the result?

• A much stronger working relationship

• I gained his respect (there’s definitely a whole other newsletter to discuss the gender aspect and potentially even age - I was 27)

• It opened the floodgates to be able to have honest and direct conversations to come to solutions

• He understood and accepted my point of view

• We agreed and aligned on a path forward

And I think many of us understand the benefits of having powerful conversations. Conversations where you may not agree at first. That might involve debate, feel difficult and uncomfortable. But ultimately, conversations that move things forward in agreement and alignment.

I ran a poll on Linkedin recently asking leaders what their biggest barriers were to having difficult conversations:

• 38% said the fear of conflict or of repercussions

• 4% said a lack of training or skills

• 35% said emotional discomfort

• 23% potential negative impact to morale.

I thought it was interesting that the two highest responses related to how we felt in the conversation - through conflict or emotional discomfort - rather than how the other person would feel and how the relationship could be even better in the future. So I wonder whether many of us are taking a short termist view point when thinking about these conversations as opposed to thinking much more longer term (perhaps taking a short term pain for long term gain mentality).

So what are the top 5 elements that make a powerful conversation:

1. Clarity in communication

Ensuring your messaging is clear and understood will reduce any confusion. In a project environment, clear communication increases project success by 33% according to Project Management Institute

2. Respect and open mindedness

Be open to hearing diverse perspectives and open dialogue, which promotes collaboration and innovation. A team with a culture of respect and open mindedness increases innovation by 17% and success by 19% according to HBR

3. Active listening

We spend so much of our lives not fully listening - thinking about what to say next, what's for dinner etc etc. That we don’t always fully focus on the person in front of us. If we are actively listening we are building trust and rapport, not just focusing on what is being said, but also what isn’t and body language. This significantly improves communication and also relationships.

4. Empathy

Empathy is how we create emotional connection and bonds. This enhances interpersonal skills and conflict resolution. Research from the Center for Creative Leadership shows that leaders with higher empathy scores outperform others by 40% in their job performance.

5. Emotional Intelligence a.k.a EQ

EQ is about how we recognise, understand, manage and utilise our own emotions but also others. This is a core skill if you are feeling uncomfortable or fearing conflict. EQ is the backbone to successful leadership and TalentSmart research indicates that emotional intelligence is responsible for 58% of a leader’s job performance, and 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

I have created a workbook to support leaders with the structure and guidance to be confident in having powerful conversations. If you would like to gain access, you can find the link below.

I’d also love to know whether you have used any of the 5 elements in a conversation or any that you’d like to add and the impact that has had so feel free to share via email!